Faithfulness of God, Trusting God in hard times

When The Perfect Comes…

On 9th April, I received a voice mail from my friend Sheetal in the morning. A couple of months back, we were talking about God’s healing and about the same topic, she had shared her beautiful and deep insights with me. I listened to the mail and thanked her for her thoughtful message.

But little did I know that I would need her words in the next few weeks; or maybe, the voice message was preparing me in advance for the worst that was headed my way.

The very next day, my parents and my younger brother were tested positive for Covid -19. And within a few days’ time, my husband too was found infected by the virus. My biggest fear came true as the deadly virus had reached my dear ones when I least expected it.

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God's Dream For The World

I Held Back My Log Too!

A few days ago, I came across a beautiful poem written by James Patrick Kinney. He was an American poet who wrote the poem in 1960 during the African –American Civil Rights Movement. Even though this poem was written many years ago, it still speaks profound volumes to the one who reads it today. It made me reflect on each of its words too and do some soul searching to gain greater insights from it.

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Encouragement, Special Parenthood

When Others Can’t Feel The Intensity Of Your Pain

It has always been a very challenging and emotionally overwhelming situation for me when my husband travels out of town. I feel very helpless managing both the kids without his support and it just feels like I am a lonely soldier on a battlefield without any weapon.

I understand that it is required of him to travel but staying alone with children with special needs isn’t an easy task. The entire family schedule goes upside down. I am sleep deprived. I hardly get to have a bath or food on time. My 8 years old son’s only friend is his dad and he, being so attached to him, feels lonely and gloomy all the time. His only companion will be the laptop until his dad returns. My daughter on the other hand needs my much attention for her needs and I have to carry her around the house even to get a glass of water for myself when she cries and refuses to stay on the bed by herself.

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You are made for more

Limiting Bowl Of An Unlived Life

We have a tiny guest in our home. It’s a pretty little fish. Our house owners, an elderly couple, are out of station and asked us to look after their pet fish for a few days.

As I observe this little aquatic creature every day, a thought came into my mind: Even though this fish is created to live in a stream and swim with the vibrant current of fresh water along with other fish, sadly it is bound to stay in this small bowl with a little water for someone else’s happiness. This bowl has become the whole world for it and it is needless to say that this beautiful looking bowl is limiting the fish’s real potential, its very purpose it is created for.

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Encouragement, Faithfulness of God

When You Think You Aren’t Making A Big Difference

No anticipated results + No pat on my shoulder + No favourable circumstances = I quit

This has been my equation for so long. I have always needed evident results to carry on any work. For me to stay encouraged and not to give up on anything, I always need someone to cheer me up and believe in me so I can trust in myself. Good outcomes keep me motivated to go ahead and the opposite of them makes me give up.

So, on one particular day, when I noticed that I had been getting few views and visitors on my blog posts, I came to the conclusion that I probably should quit writing as there are not many people who are relating with what I want to share. Writing and sharing a blog post has always been a lonely journey for me but at this very moment when I couldn’t see many views on the view bar, I felt I am not making a big difference through my writing. I felt unqualified and uncreative in running a blog.

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Encouragement

Before You Move On…..Stop!

As I flipped through the pages of my previous years’ diaries and read the many goals and hopes I had for each New Year, I felt I had not been so progressive in achieving them and I had just written them in the excitement of the New Year’s new beginnings. Though I consoled myself for reaching few of the goals to some extent and wanted to celebrate the little victories, deep down I felt I was a failure.

Every year at the start of the New Year, I was so thrilled to write my goals and resolutions on the very first page. But this time, I didn’t feel motivated to write my goals or even hope ahead for many fulfilling days.

Before filling the fresh blank pages of my new diary, before writing any new goals in it for the New Year, I thought I needed to first stop, re-evaluate myself and search deeper for the answers for my depressing thoughts and feelings.

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Uncategorized

When Your Star Refuses To Shine

The morning wasn’t like any other morning as things got messed up between Nevin and me. We had a conversation which ended in both of us getting angry and upset with each other to the point that we didn’t have our breakfast in the morning. We had differences of opinions and ideas on a certain matter which resulted in a harsh talk. Both of our words and actions have hurt each other and we knew it. We didn’t talk further but remained silent for the rest of the day.

A Christmas star which we have put in front of our home too wasn’t lit up that day. Both of us weren’t in a mood to let the star shine. The star which illuminated our entrance every evening was hanging there in the dark. It was the only Christmas star in our entire locality but that evening it didn’t give light at all. A few days back, it was the same shining star which made us feel the beginning of the Christmas season as we so excitedly hung it in front of our entrance. But today, the anger and grudges which we held within our hearts prevented us from allowing the star to give us delight. We chose darkness instead of light literally and metaphorically.

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Encouragement, Faithfulness of God

Beauty For Ashes

I sat in the doctor’s cabin with my daughter Jennie in my arms and an expectation in my heart that the doctor we were meeting may suggest some better treatment plan for her. After all, he was the expert, a well-experienced and renowned Neuro physician in the state. It had taken a lot of effort to reach him and get the appointment which seemed difficult to get initially.

“Jennie Livingston – No. 7” was the call from the hospital staff and I rushed carrying her in my arms, adjusting my mask and holding her previous reports in my hand to see the doctor I was keen to meet.

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Blog Post by Guest, Faithfulness of God, Trusting God in hard times

Because He Lives

Today, I am inviting my dear friend Sheetal Thakker to share her story of faith with us. She lives in Banglore, India. She is a wonderful person and a woman with a strong faith in Jesus. She will be sharing with us about her journey of her life’s unexpected storm and her experience as she chose to trust God amidst all the challenges. Welcome Sheetal!

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Faithfulness of God, Trusting God in hard times

When Denial Comes After Resurgence

As I was making her sleep around midnight, looking at her innocent face in the dim night light, my heart melted. I felt a sudden heartache and I cried for my daughter as I held her close to me and kissed her on her forehead. I recalled all the struggles and pain she has been through in the last seven years of her life. I felt a deep pain for her remembering about her diagnosis. I thought, I was much stronger emotionally but I was not. The pain seemed still fresh for the situation my child is in.

According to the Swiss-American psychiatrist named Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, there are 5 stages of grief: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

When we go through grief of a certain kind, our first reaction will be denial. We will be shocked and won’t be accepting the realities.

The second stage will be anger. We will feel angry at the situation, at people around us and sometimes at God for allowing the crisis.

The third one is bargaining. Secretly, we may make a deal with God in an attempt to postpone the crisis and the related pain.

The fourth stage is depression. The reality slowly sets in and we often feel sorry for ourselves and wonder why something like this could happen to us. The feeling of depression is often accompanied by the feeling of self-pity and of being a victim.

The fifth stage of dealing with grief is acceptance. We come to terms with the grief and begin to look to the future.

Once we have reached the acceptance stage in dealing with our grief, we move towards resurgence. In this phase we take full control of ourselves, our emotions, and the situation and begin to think about what we can do next to move ahead.

In relation to my daughter’s medical condition, I have been through almost all these stages and I was pretty much sure I was in the resurgence phase, as for quite a long time I could maintain my emotions, keep myself motivated through each day and keep my constant faith in God for her life. But a few days back, I had a relapse and it felt sudden and severe. I couldn’t hold myself anymore in the resurgence phase. I felt shattered.

My heart pained for her to the extreme that all I wanted to scream was; “God, why does my child have to suffer? why does she have to live such a difficult life? What is her fault? It isn’t fair that she is suffering? Why she gets to have such a dependent life and struggle every day?” As I held her close to me, I let my tears flow for her. For a moment, I couldn’t accept the hard realities of her life and I kept crying through the night. It seemed like I had almost gone back to the denial stage – all the way back….

However, in the midst of this sudden surge of grief, as I prayed for her, I remembered Jesus on the cross and the agony He had to go through. Was it fair that God had to send His son to die for my wrongdoings? Nope! It wasn’t fair that Jesus’s innocent blood to be shed for me, it wasn’t fair that He was mocked, stripped off His clothes, whipped, beaten and crucified on the cross ruthlessly. But it’s God’s love for me which caused Him to see the painful sight of His child suffering on the cross. His heart pained just the way my heart pains seeing my child suffer. But this was the way I was going to be accepted, forgiven and loved. God definitely cared for my pain and understood how I felt. This insight into my heart made me surrender to His sovereign plans for Jennie and to know that He loves her more than I do. Though I don’t have all the answers and can see only the half picture but I know the ONE who sees the full picture of her life. I just need to have faith in Him.

I fell asleep and woke up the next day with swollen eyes and a headache but relieved and consoled heart. And I no longer found myself in the denial stage but the resurgence stage again with a renewed hope and His just enough grace on my life for the very day. I am not sure if I will ever be fully in the resurgence stage. I may have the emotional relapse from time to time but this is where I will always need God’s mercy to carry me through. With Him by my side there will be His hope in between all these stages and no matter which stage I slip back to, I will always come back to the resurgence stage and see my pain in the light of His glory!

I pray, you too find His strength and assurance in those most hurting and questioning moments of your lives, experience His deep and abiding hope when you are weak in your burdens and see your pain in the light of His glory. And when you question ” why me Lord, it isn’t fair?” Let God’s mercy carry you through revealing each moment His greatest & painful sacrifice and selfless love for you!

“Weeping may remain for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning”. Psalm 30:5