The people who struggle with life’s challenges, loss, grief, or any other major hardships or painful tragedies, constantly wrestle with the question “why?” They can explain to you what has happened, when it has happened, where it has happened, and how it has happened, but the “whys” remain unanswered most of the time. And we aren’t an exception to this either. My husband and I are trying to make the best sense of our different life, we are trying to overcome our pain with hope, positivity and perseverance, and we are also trying to find the “why” along the way in our daughter’s case.
Sometimes, It’s a hard situation to be in. It’s a whirlpool of different emotions, thoughts and unanswered questions. But what makes it even harder is when others try to assume different answers to those “whys,” when others try to fill in those blanks with the reasons they want to choose. Its hard when others play the guessing game for your “whys”.
A person we met recently, claimed that our daughter’s medical condition is a result of a servant of God cursing our family. Further, if there are any grudges we hold against anyone, we must reconcile with them. He was sure that there is a curse on our family. He shared this out of his personal experiences. We were meeting him for the first time. His statements seemed humiliating as well as sort of disturbing to our nearly healed wounds. We wondered: How could he be so insensitive?
In the last eight years, different people have assumed different causes for our daughter’s condition. Some said it’s a part of God’s plan for our lives, some said it could be a curse from God, some said it could be our wrong deeds, some said it is an effect of a witchcraft against us, some said it is a medical condition which got no cure and we need to accept it and some said we should fast more and pray in tongues for her healing and so on.
The person’s statement didn’t hurt me as it wasn’t something strange or new to me but one thing disturbed me and that is the way people judge other’s crises based on their biased beliefs and personal experiences and more importantly, how Christ is misrepresented through them…
No where in the Bible do we read that Jesus judged people for their illnesses. In fact, He lovingly and compassionately healed them, accepted them, and cared for them. He was there to comfort those who came to Him. He understood their pain so deeply.
When people accused anyone of sinning and demanded that the person be punished, Jesus stood by that person and forgave him/her ( John 8:1-11). He always showed a better way to live one’s life. When people would question at those who are suffering and try to guess what they have done wrong to deserve their pain, Jesus would always become their defender and reflect God’s love towards them.
In John chapter 9 we read a story of a man who was blind since birth. When Jesus’s disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.” Jesus’s disciples were guessing the reasons the whys of the man’s blindness but here, Jesus’s answer opens their eyes to the truth and a new perspective to see things through.
Jesus truly reflected God’s heart for us which was loving, forgiving, compassionate and just. He not only showed compassion through his words and deeds, but He also redeemed us from the curse by himself becoming a curse for us. (Galatians 3:13)
And having been given His mind and being His followers, you and I are to reflect the same love and compassion for the hurting world. You and I are to represent Him for who He is. Judging others or guessing the whys behind their crisis will only misrepresent Him and cause more hurts to others than doing any good. Instead of guessing the “whys”, we can always point others to “Who”.
Recently, I came across a beautiful and true story of an orca whale. The whale was carrying the body of its dead calf for more than a week. She was grieving the loss of her new-born calf. What touched my heart, even more, was, the other whales were sharing her pain too. They were taking turns floating this dead calf whenever the whale was tired. They were with her as she mourned for her baby. There is a profound lesson to learn from these aquatic creatures. We need more human orcas of compassionate hearts.
If our daughter’s condition is a result of a curse like the person claimed or some other things, it doesn’t make any difference regarding her condition. We are to love her, care for her and trust God’s plans for her life. But on this uphill path, all we hope for is more understanding hearts to surround us and not the judgemental minds, since we aren’t the only family caring for a special child and we won’t be the last either.
On a concluding note, I would like to share a poem that has always moved me.
A man fell into a pit and could not get himself out.
A Pharisee said “only bad people fall into the pit”
A scientist came along and said “You only think you are in the pit”
A Newspaper Reporter wanted the exclusive story on the pit
An Inspector asked him if he had a permit to dig the pit
A fundamentalist said “You deserve your pit”
Confucius said “If you had listened to me, you would not be in that pit”
A self-pitying person said “you haven’t seen my pit”
An optimist said “It could be worse”
A Pessimist said “things will get worse”
Jesus walking along seeing the man in the pit simply knelt down, extended His hand, and pulled him out of the pit!
Instead of guessing the “whys” lets point others to “Who” by reflecting His love and compassion to the hurting world.
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